The Hangover Part III Review - Hangover Fanfiction

The Hangover Part III presumes that you have so much love for this cast of characters that you'd watch them in any genre of film. It presumes you care or even remember what happened to these characters in the last two films, weaving together a narrative from small plot points in the first two entries. It reads like fanfiction -- what if Phil, Stu, and Alan got dragged into a crime plot instigated by Mr. Chow? What if John Goodman were an angry crime boss threatening the Wolfpack with death if they couldn't track down Chow?

Ever since the second film, The Hangover writers have put a lot of stock in how "cool" their characters are. They're the Wolfpack, man! What started as a joke that Alan took too far has become a genuine identifier that the writers feel can hold up to a semi-serious crime story. Yes, The Hangover Part III has jokes, but they're few and far between, and the very funniest ones were carefully plucked and featured in the preview.

This is a film about the trio fumbling around in the dark, out of place in a violent world of crime. They're in over their head but manage to trip and fall into not dying at every turn. It's the kind of story that you write after binge-watching all of Breaking Bad, and I can only assume that's exactly what happened here. It was pretty clear with the first sequel that The Hangover was a one-time thing and the concept had run out of ideas, and Part III only solidifies that notion by drawing inspiration from left-field.

I don't care about the characters in The Hangover, if you haven't noticed. I'm not interested in their bond, nor their relationship with Mr. Chow, the painfully racist character the series refuses to let die. Sometimes comedies can have depth of character and laughs, but I come to Hangover movies simply to laugh. Considering only one of them was genuinely funny I feel like a bit of a fool. Rubbing salt in the wound, I spent maybe 45 minutes or so waiting for Part III to hit its stride and "get funny." It was only after a solid twenty minutes without a peep from the entire theater that I realized I wasn't actually watching a comedy.

For the few times a laugh genuinely sneaked out, it came with the recognition that the joke was only funny because it was referencing a much funnier YouTube clip or internet meme. That's the kind of humor you expect out of cheap parody garbage like A Haunted House or the "____ Movie" series. The Hangover features Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis, Jeffrey Tambor, and mother fucking John Goodman. It should be above these lazy references, even if the crafted humor falls flat.

And speaking of John Goodman! His sole purpose in this film seemed to be a reminder of his role in a much better film, The Big Lebowski. It's clear that Lebowski is the sort of dark crime comedy they were aiming for, and boy did they miss by a few million light years. I think the recently released Star Trek Into Darkness might have more in common with The Big Lebowski. It's funnier too.

Consider this warning: I may have laughed more during Movie 43 than The Hangover Part III. This isn't a comedy and it's one of the more useless crime capers out there. It fails on all accounts. The budget, cast, and competent filming only add to the sense that this was all an epic waste of time and talent. Go watch The Big Lebowski, Breaking Bad, and that YouTube video of the guy who cries really weird instead, you'll thank me later.

Here, I'll even get you started:

Star Trek Into Darkness Review - The Mass Effect movie you never thought you'd get

J.J. Abrams 2009 Star Trek reboot was faithful to the franchise to a fault. It was hobbled by its trans-dimensional attempts to justify its existence in the overall Star Trek lore. Leonard Nimoy's appearance as the original Spock was surprising, but the effort it took to explain left the film relatively plot-less otherwise. A strong cast of characters and overwhelming visuals kept it entertaining, but it could have been a lot better.

Enter the sequel, Into Darkness. The fear here was that the film would perhaps go too far in the other direction, tossing out Star Trek's heavier sci-fi elements in favor of an action-packed extravaganza. But while the film is indeed an action-packed extravaganza, it's also far more faithful to Star Trek. Rather than fumbling with the franchises weaker elements, it embraces the stronger themes, funneling those themes through a kinetic, action-packed plot.

The film opens with Kirk, Spock, and crew attempting to save an alien species from an active volcano. The problem, as any trekkie will tell you, is that interfering with the natural ways of indigenous life violates the Prime Directive. The Federation explores and studies, but they don't interfere. Right from the start, Into Darkness explores one of Star Trek's most interesting concepts through an action-packed sequence full of running, chasing, action, and explosions. It's smart summer popcorn fare, and it maintains that speed and depth from beginning to end.

Into Darkness assuages doubt at every turn. Did you think that perhaps the plot would be too straight-forward? The trailer for this sequel, as exciting as it is, probably has most fans fooled. There's very little this film doesn't have: action, drama, twists, turns, variety, strong themes, Robocop. It's all here and it all feels like a Star Trek film should. I dare any fan with desires for this film to come out and say that it didn't deliver.

Dialogue is as witty as ever. Zachary Quinto reprises his role as the new, young Spock and again his lack of emotions and overabundance of logic brings about some of the films best dialogue and moral quandaries. The way his personality plays off of Chris Pine's energetic and snarky Kirk is fun, funny, and thoughtful. Again, the characters are as strong as they were in the original, but the plot and themes have caught up to make a much, much stronger film.

There is only one thing about Into Darkness I take issue with, and it's perhaps a little nit-picky. If a film can be too high-energy, I think this one might take the cake. Almost every sequence, from explosive battles to moments of quiet contemplation have the same heart-pounding soundtrack and quick editing. The result is that excitement becomes the norm, and I found myself no more thrilled during the action than the talking. Maybe that's the point, but when the entire film is dialed to 11, there's no room to dial it any higher. Yes, summer movies are supposed to be endlessly exciting, but lets not get burnt out on it, okay Mr. Abrams? Leave some room for everyone else.

That's the best criticism I can muster--okay, there's a few silly bits in the villain's back story, but otherwise Star Trek Into Darkness is immensely satisfying. More than anything, it adapts what's great about Star Trek, rather than the more convoluted bits that require a ton of explanation. It presents interesting morality and challenging conundrums and blends it all into an explosive stew. It's all a summer movie can be and more.

The Great Gatsby Review - Baz vs. Leo

Baz Luhrmann could learn a thing or two from game designer Ken Levine. For The Great Gatsby, Luhrmann chose to incorporate modern music into the story of the decadent 1920s. He shows party people driving through ye olde decadent New York City blaring Jay Z's "H to the Izzo" from their non-existent speakers. He captures a night of drugs and drinking with a slow-motion dubstep breakdown. Meanwhile, in Levine's latest game, Bioshock Infinite, his team at Irrational Games carefully and subtly incorporated modern music into an early 1900s setting without causing an anachronistic aneurysm.

In fact, Bioshock's floating city in the sky, complete with magic powers and time travel, feels more in touch with its era of choice than The Great Gatsby ever does. Gatsby is brimming with absurd CG zooms around NYC and Long Island. It throws the camera across the bay, zipping from West Egg to East Egg and back only to wow those wearing their 3D glasses. The handful of car chases look preposterous, as the cars drift and turn at impossible, physics defying angles with their little toy people thrown around like fodder in a Lord of the Rings battle. It's no wonder Tobey Maguire is such a big part of this film, as Peter Parker he seemed at home in worlds mostly made in a computer.

The whole thing is a tasteless grab-bag of word-for-word quotes from the novel mixed with violent displays of artistic license. Baz invents things for the story at the same time he is desperately faithful, he half-captures the look of the era while tossing in top 40 hits, and this goes on unrestricted until Gatsby himself steps into the scene. If you walked out of the theater before Leonardo DiCaprio makes his entrance, I wouldn't fault you at all. But man, I've never seen such an attempt to single-handedly save a film from itself.

Leo is a goddamn force as Gatsby. He plays the part to perfection, even when the script demands that he twist the character slightly. The moment he steps in the film seems to get its act together. It's as if the cast and crew of Gatsby were a bunch of sugar-fueled elementary school students and DiCaprio was their no-nonsense teacher. It still slips here and there, but the middle chunk of the film is a watchable, decent adaptation of the book. It's kind of crazy.

As soon as he's gone from the story Baz is at it again, covering the screen in flashy quotes from the book while inventing new things for Tobey Maguire's Nick Carraway to do. The pastiche of over-faithful quotations and modern obnoxiousness is what I'd imagine a Hot Topic line of T-Shirts based on classic literature would look like. There's only so much a fine actor can do to save that.

Iron Man 3 Review - Post Traumatic Prick

Iron Man 3 adds an interesting wrinkle to the ongoing Marvel saga. We’ve had a series of loosely connected hero films all culminate with The Avengers, an experiment that paid off in spades. Now, we have the aftermath, and Iron Man 3 smartly feels like both an Iron Man sequel and an Avengers follow-up. There has been warranted concern that this whole comic book movie explosion would be a passing fad, but the interconnected nature of the Marvel films has created a wholly unique form of popcorn cinema. Iron Man 3 represents the first chapter in the post-team-up aftermath.

Iron Man 3 feels like more than a sequel. It’s almost like the next episode in a TV series that only airs one big-budget blockbuster episode per season. Every episode is an epic season finale, but if they’re all as good as this I don’t think you’ll hear anyone complaining. More than a good film, it makes keeping up with the entire Marvel saga feel more valuable.

It accomplishes this by presenting a PTSD-ridden Tony Stark. The final battle in New York at the end of The Avengers left a mark on the billionaire playboy. Apparently you don’t nearly commit sacrificial suicide by diving into a space portal without taking a serious mental toll. He has nightmares, he doesn’t sleep, and a new villain aims to catch him off guard.

The Mandarin, a bad guy from the Iron Man comics repurposed into a terrorist, is an intimidating and surprising figure. After battling aliens, you have to wonder how a villain comparable to Osama Bin Laden holds up. That top layer of down-to-Earth evil is fascinating, showing how even when the universe is blown wide open, it’s still humanity that remains the most terrifying. But there are other layers to this character, and revealing them all here would be a disservice.

That said, while the forces that aim to take down Tony Stark are more interesting than usual, this film is really about Stark himself. It’s about the man in the iron suit battling his own personal demons and trying to be something to the one person he loves. It’s a far leap from the drunken antics presented in Iron Man 2 as well. Iron Man 3 remains light-hearted despite a darker edge, but it never dips into the obnoxious the way that first sequel did.

Directed and co-written by Shane Black, of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and Lethal Weapon fame, Iron Man 3 has a biting snark to it that’s much appreciated. Tony Stark is a good guy through and through, but he’s also that genius/playboy/millionaire/asshole, and when he doesn’t even shy away from being a prick to a helpful young boy, you can see Black’s influences. Iron Man and Shane Black, Shane Black and Robert Downey Jr., Robert Downey Jr. and Iron Man; they all fit together like the new Iron Man suit. 

Before the end of Iron Man 3 it descends into the typical superhero movie predictability more than I would have preferred, but that never overshadows the film’s accomplishments. Iron Man 3 is witty and exciting, with a dark edge and character depth you’re only going to get in this type of film when it’s build upon the foundation that Marvel is carefully constructing. The superhero bubble may burst, but if they keep this up it isn’t happening anytime soon.

Five Reasons Defiance should be Free-to-Play

Defiance is a crazy gamble and an ambitious experiment. Combining a new Syfy channel series with a shooter MMO is bold. Somehow, someway, the show and the game are meant to interact. There’s one problem though, both have to take off for this experiment to be a success, and it seems like one of the two is already falling behind.

It’d take an even bolder move to make a sudden change to the whole thing, but the biggest issue holding back Defiance is the game. Early press and reviews have not been kind, leaving many curious people hesitant to drop $60 on a potentially mediocre game. But what if you could download it right now and try it out free-of-charge? What if you could test the waters and pull in your friends without any upfront costs?

Defiance stands as a really strong case for the free-to-play/pay for microtransactions and DLC model. Here’s why:

1) Everyone curious about it is afraid to buy it

Defiance always had some buzz surrounding it simply by the nature of what it was offering. An MMO is ambitious on its own, but this transmedia concept was a really compelling idea. When it finally came time to launch, though, the game seemed to blindside everyone. The launch was quiet, and many in the press talked about not getting review copies or even having trouble finding the game in stores. Then the reviews and impressions started coming in and it was a mixed bag. The overarching theme seems to be that Defiance has a lot of issues, but there’s a fun game at its core. There’s enough of a glimmer of promise to get potential players interested, but to drop $60? Certainly not.

2) Everyone who doesn’t even know it exists would be playing it

Now imagine if the game was a simple download away whether playing on PC, PS3, or PC. Sure, the downloadable, free-to-play model is completely different from what they have now, and who knows how much red tape Trion Worlds would need to go through to get it going. Without some miracle, incredible work on the part of the developer, and a ton of leniency on the part of publishers and platform holders, a sudden shift in model is a pipedream. 

But! But, if it were possible, suddenly you’d have a game that every curious and hesitant player could not only start playing, but encourage all their friends as well. It can be a nightmare trying to get friends gaming on a budget to take time away from Call of Duty, League of Legends, or whatever they’re obsessing over, but that perception changes completely when you say “it’s free-to-play.”

3) Every MMO loses the fight against free-to-play

While there are games like Guild Wars 2 that manage to succeed with the Defiance model, they also earn it through a ton of pre-existing goodwill and solid reviews. In general, the story with MMOs these days is that the best way to succeed is through free-to-play, and any games that fight that model eventually lose out. Why do games continue to fight that model instead of embracing it from the very start?

That said, while Defiance is a $60 game now, that price is only going to drop. How long before players can get the full game for a fraction of the price? How long before Defiance is missing out on a pile of the profits that smaller DLC seems to offer?

4) Xbox players could use a free-to-play MMO

Again and again, mostly because of Microsoft’s methods and not any fault of developers, the Xbox 360 misses out on MMOs and free-to-play games. Free-to-play games get ported and transformed into pay experiences, while MMOs in general remain a mirage on the horizon. Meanwhile, PS3 has MMOs, free-to-play games, AND MMOs, and the PC is basically a paradise for these things. I suspect that a lot of the curiosity for Defiance comes from the Xbox-owning crowd who haven’t had any opportunities to play an MMO outside of Final Fantasy XI.

5) The show is free-to-watch

I can go on Syfy’s website right now and watch the premiere episode of Defiance. In fact I did, and it was decent. I enjoyed it, and I’ll continue watching it. Sure, there were some ads, but I got to watch the show I was mildly curious about without any upfront costs. If I had to pay money to watch Defiance I may have never made that leap because, like the game, the show seemed like it could go either way. The TV show benefited from being free-to-watch, and I assume the game would get the same benefits.

As of this writing I’m still curious about the game, but I’m hesitant to drop the money on it. How long will that curiosity last? I’ll tell you there are many other retail games that are vying for my attention, games I’d even be willing to pay upfront for. Defiance doesn’t have that degree of appeal for me, and the further I get from launch, the more I feel my interest waning. But what if I could play it now? Even a sample, a demo, something to get my feet wet would do wonders. I’d be all over that, and if Trion could keep me engaged with content, they might even make their money back.

42 Review - At its best when it isn’t forcing sports film cliches

42 is destined for lazy weekends. Viewers channel surfing on a Sunday afternoon will surely stop and watch, commercial breaks and all. It’s that kind of sports movie. Traditional to a fault, 42 lays on the epic layers of sappiness a bit too heavily, but remains immediately watchable thanks to some great performances and a good sense of humor.

The film centers around Jackie Robinson’s rise to fame through the efforts of Branch Rickey, the Brooklyn Dodgers’ general manager. Rickey is played by Harrison Ford, who delivers a big, almost larger-than-life performance that also manages to be brilliantly entertaining. Ford has always been a commanding force in big, leading roles, but 42 shows his range and presents a viable direction as a supporting character actor.

Chadwick Boseman offers up a quiet, measured portrayal of Jackie Robinson. There’s depth within, though, as you can see the fire brewing in his eyes as he’s assaulted with opposition. Not everyone was thrilled with a black man in baseball, and the hate coming from racists on the field and in the crowds is so harsh, it’s hard to not sympathize with Robinson. Boseman’s performance only makes it easier.

42’s greatest strength is its performances, even if they’re coming from the worst places. Alan Tudyk deserves some credit for his performance as Phillies’ manager Ben Chapman. His endless string of vile comments makes for one of the film’s most powerful moments, as Robinson is forced to endure and turn the other cheek against someone anyone would love to punch in the face.

The tension boils beneath the surface in so much of 42, yet it never truly boils over. Perhaps a testament to Robinson’s determination and character, 42 does seem to be more safe than anything. It dances a little too close to glorification than honest portrayal, with the typical sweeping sports movie score and all the cliches of the genre. Little boys wish for Robinson’s success in the crowd, the soundtrack swells, everyone claps triumphantly, and to certain extent, it all seems a little undeserved.

Sports films tend to present ridiculous comebacks and bold triumphs with all those cliches because the plot matches the epic feel of the presentation. 42 isn’t like that though, so the overdone sports presentation seems out of place. Jackie Robinson just wanted to play baseball, but the film is about more than the game. The victory is a social one, and the scoreboard is largely irrelevant, yet the film seems stuck in that sports film blueprint, fashioning a victorious moment out of nowhere and wrapping up in an oddly forced fashion.

Still, when 42 allows its performances to command the screen it’s an easy film to enjoy. The story and presentation is rough around the edges, but it rarely gets in the way of a largely watchable experience. In the end, it should find a happy home as a warm blanket of entertainment to cuddle up to on a lazy Sunday.

Sinister Review - A prime example of horror mood done right

Sinister isn't the smartest horror film, but how many horror films can you honestly call smart? Only a few come to mind, and I'll tell you right now Sinister isn't Cabin in the Woods. What it does manage to do is set an ominous, unsettling horror mood better than any film I've seen in a while.

By now you probably know the premise. The trailer painted a clear picture: a writer (Ethan Hawke) moves to a new house to investigate and write his next great crime novel, but finds a pile of film reels in the attic that reveal a demonic presence. As he watches the reels, each showcasing a violent murder with a clever name, the creepy elements in the real world ramp up.

It's a stock horror tale, and while it has its fair share of twists and turns, it's pretty typical for this sort of fare. Characters make decisions you may not agree with, and not every loose end gets the conclusion you may hope for.

That's not really important, though. What is important is that if you turn out the lights, crank up the volume, and soak in the atmosphere, Sinister is phenomenal. The soundtrack, sound effects, and lighting are top shelf. The mood is some of the best I've seen in a horror film. The film reels are genuinely creepy, and lend Sinister an exciting pace, as you look forward to each one.

Just as a comedy can be dumb as long as it's funny, Sinister is a shining example of how little the context matters if a horror movie can manage the most basic of goals. It's only in hindsight that the film's less logical aspects come to light. Aesthetics can go a long way towards masking a film's issues, and honestly Sinister's issues are irrelevant.

Could Sinister be better? Sure, most films can. Does it accomplish its artistic goals? More than most horror films could say.

Videodrone 2.0 Podcast is up to Episode 11

VideoDrone 2.0 is still going! I've just been really bad about sharing that fact here. Hopefully you already knew we've been posting episodes but I'll try to be better about the reminders going forward.

We've also moved the podcast to a Tumblr blog to make things easier. Check it out here: http://videodrone2.tumblr.com/

Still working on that iTunes, but you can subscribe via http://feeds.feedburner.com/TheVideodronePodcast.

If you have any thoughts on the 'cast or suggestions for improvements and future topics, post them here or hit me up through @JoeDonuts on Twitter.

Jurassic Park 3D Review - A fossil record

A modern review for Jurassic Park seemed largely unnecessary to me all the way up until John Williams' phenomenal main theme song hit its iconic notes. In a booming pseudo-IMAX theater, 3D glasses over my eyes, the spectacle I felt when I was only 9 years old came rushing back.

Jurassic Park 3D is a popcorn masterpiece and a shining example of a timeless theater-going experience. To say JP holds up after 20 years is a fact most people already know, but the 3D is SO GOOD that I was transported back to my first experience with the film. I got to see Jurassic Park for the first time again, and it was enough to send a chill up my spine, provide goosebumps, and if I'm being totally honest, a tear or two of joy.

That's all a bit hyperbolic, but really, the 3D is the best I've seen in theaters since Avatar. I don't know how they did it. Is Spielberg's crisp, adventurous camerawork made for 3D, or is this simply a stunning technical achievement? I'm guessing a combination of both. The effect makes for a film that pops with depth from beginning to end, revealing aspects of some of the grander shots I never even noticed before.

Many modern films released in 3D from the start seem flat, fuzzy, or worse. The high definition simply reveals how horribly cheap their special effects are. That's why I swear someone must have touched up the effects in JP3D, even just a little. It still manages to put even Spielberg's own modern creature feature Super 8 to shame. The extra fidelity and superb 3D only serve to make the dinosaurs look better and more realistic.

There are some things that don't exactly hold up, but I prefer that they were left as they were rather than being mucked with. John Williams has a knack for amazing theme songs, but when it comes to basic thriller music I find his stringy, hyperactive noise completely infuriating. Also that severed hand makes no sense. Nit-picky perhaps, but when's the next time I'll get to criticize Jurassic Park in a review?

The bottom line is that if you have any love for Jurassic Park you should make an effort to see it in theaters before it's gone. If you've never seen Jurassic Park then there is no better way to watch it. It's just too bad that our modern theater release cycle means this is only a limited engagement. The original release was in theaters for over a year, and deservedly so, there are few films so perfectly designed for the movie theater.

And now, a painting of Jeff Goldblum...

The Call Review - America, Fuck Yeah

Warning!! Mild spoilers for anyone who can't already assume what happens at the end of The Call!!

The last thing I expected to do while watching The Call was look over to my girlfriend and sarcastically exclaim, "America, fuck yeah!" But as Halle Berry stood triumphantly in the film's final moments, the camera couldn't help framing her with an American flag waving behind her. This film couldn't help doing a lot of things. For the third act in what would have otherwise been a solid thriller, it dispensed all logic in favor of crowd-pleasing catharsis.

I mostly just laughed at it, though.

It's unfortunate, because the first two thirds of The Call offer up solid, by-the-numbers entertainment. It isn't exactly cinema-worthy, but this thriller would pass for a better episode of just about any crime drama on TV. While it's the typical police-chase-kidnapping-murderer plot we've seen a million times, it's made more interesting by funneling the action through a 911 call center.

Halle Berry plays an operator named Jordan who ends up taking two kidnapping calls for the same killer. In her attempts to keep these people alive over the phone we see how little control she has over the situation. In most calls, the officers arrive on scene, the call disconnects, and the operator is left without closure. It's a job that requires some detachment, but Jordan has trouble removing emotion from the picture.

That theme of not knowing the end result, of needing to do your best again and again even when you don't get that closure, is a compelling one. Had the film followed through with that, we may have been discussing a must-see.

The Call opts instead to toss all realism to the wind. Jordan leaves the call center to do the basic police work that any competent officer would have already been doing, and then manages to track down the killer on her own. For the sake of heroism and catharsis, The Call ignores logic completely. Then, when it seems like things can't get dumber, a last minute twist turns it into a left-field slasher film revenge scenario. It's really, really unnecessary.

That villain is pretty creepy, at least. For all his weird droopy-faced mugging, he has a genuinely unsettling backstory. He certainly deserves his comeuppance, but I think The Call would have been a much creepier and more effective movie had it left the 911 operator at her desk, without the ability to truly take control of the situation.

As it stands it feels like the writers took the cheap route, writing an implausible scenario just because it would be gratifying. I wish writers didn't do this. Stories are much more interesting when the plot gets trapped in a corner and the writer needs to craft a logical way out. That's good story telling, The Call isn't.

Jack the Giant Slayer Review - bean there, done that

Note: This is a review that typically would have appeared on GameZone, but ended up falling through the cracks. I figured a few people might still enjoy reading it.

Jack the Giant Slayer opens with what may be the worst CG effects in a film since the 90s. The scene depicts the story of the giants up in the clouds and the magic required to stop their attacks; it uses Playstation-era CG quality for artistic effect. The idea, it seems, is that bad CG is kind of like old storybook pages. The actual scene is baffling to watch, though, and it only helps to establish that Jack the Giant Slayer is a supremely misguided effort all around.

No one asked for a gritty reboot of Jack and the Beanstalk. Then again, no one asked for most of the darker interpretations of folk tales we’ve been drowning in lately. Giant Slayer follows the basic plot points of the fairy tale, only Jack is 18 and he’s quickly set up with a potential love interest in the form of a princess. After some impossibly convenient events, Jack finds himself climbing a giant beanstalk on a quest to rescue the princess, accompanied by member's of the king's guard.

This is easily the best part of the film, as it’s both fun to watch the ascent and see the characters develop. This is one moment where the film strikes a good balance between spectacle and storytelling, and it’s aided by strong performances from the likes of Ewan McGregor, Stanley Tucci and Nicholas Hoult. It’s a highlight, but the fun doesn’t last.

There are, of course, many giants along the way. Far from the CG barf the film tries to pass on the audience at the beginning, these guys are gross in their details, if not a bit cartoonish. The problem is the way they interact with humans. As they pick up the little humans and toss them around, it’s reminiscent of the moments in the Star Wars prequels where Jedi mount large CG beasts.

In fact, the Star Wars prequels are an evocative comparison to how Jack the Giant Slayer feels overall. Reliant on flashy CG and disinterested in proper plot flow or compelling characters, this film could have easily been attached to George Lucas and it would make a lot more sense. Halfway through, the plot reaches closure and it would have been fine to get off the ride. A more coherent, measured film would have balanced out the action and adventure and ended things there, but Jack the Giant Slayer is only just getting started at that point. What follows is an orgy of CG nonsense that drags on and on.

Jack the Giant Slayer has a few good intentions, but it's as soulless as the CG creations it focuses so heavily on. Had it come along a decade ago, we’d probably be content to witness the spectacle and eat our popcorn. Now, expectations for fantasy action are a bit higher, and in that respect, Jack completely misses the mark. Go watch Trollhunter instead.

The Last Exorcism Part II Review

The Last Exorcism was one of those great movies that can only exist if many, many more terrible movies cover the same ground first. This found footage horror told the story of a down-South exorcist who decides to be frank with the public and out his job for the farce it truly is. He shows all his tricks, charming the audience in the process. The twists eventually come, but it's only because they must. Like Cabin in the Woods, it's one of the few really clever post-modern horror films.

The Last Exorcism Part II pretty much misses the point on all counts. Instead of taking us down another clever avenue and finding some last wrinkle in this ridiculously well-worn genre, Part II does everything the original film seems to playfully make fun of. It's really just another fucking exorcism movie to toss into the pile.

Even in terms of that low standard it's pretty horrible. Last week I reviewed Dark Skies, which wasn't great by any stretch, but it did one thing I really respected. For all it's stupidity it never used fake-out scare tactics. It didn't blast the theater with unnecessarily loud screams or slamming doors for no reason. When the scares came, it was because there was actually a goddamn creepy alien stalking the protagonist. By comparison, The Last Exorcism Part II is pretty much like this video:

You could make a movie about a person who goes to the store, buys groceries, rents a movie, comes home, and makes some dinner before passing out on the couch, and if you included enough unexpectedly loud sounds and ominous music it would be scary in exactly the way this film is.

On every level, short of Ashley Bell's genuine performance, this is a waste of filmmaking. Horror franchises are notorious for doing this kind of thing, so it's kind of whatever. It's just too bad that the sequel grind will inevitably diminish the brilliance of the great film this shit follow-up is built upon.

Spec Ops: The Line is the Most Interesting Generic Shooter Ever

My mind is flooded with conflicting thoughts on Spec Ops: The Line, so rather than let it coalesce into something editorial-worthy, I'm just going to barf it all out in what will probably be a very ramble-y blog post.

I really, really liked Spec Ops for making me think. It told a more interesting story than any Call of Duty, Battlefield, Medal of Honor, or Crysis. It tried things that very few games try to do: it tried to comment on its own genre and on the act of killing digital enemies. From a perspective of storytelling aspirations, world-building, and subtext, Spec Ops has way more in common with Bioshock than any military shooter.

I Don't Have Anything Clever to Say About Sleeping Dogs

And that's a good thing.

Sleeping Dogs is the gaming equivalent of a solid page-turner of a novel read in the summer sun. It's not changing the world and it's not furthering gaming in any substantial ways, but that doesn't mean it's forgettable. Quite the opposite, Sleeping Dogs is, in a nutshell, where we got to with this console generation. Its qualities are the innovations the industry has made and its flaws are the innovations the industry will make in the future.

Sleeping Dogs is a product of a generation of games that's been refined for seven years. It takes the lessons learned in games like Grand Theft Auto, Batman: Arkham Asylum, Uncharted, Saints Row, and Assassin's Creed and treats them like its favorite ingredients in a cook book.

The VideoDrone 2.0 Podcast

VideoDrone is back!

If you were a regular listener of the original VideoDrone podcast (or as regular as we allowed for with our sporadic schedule), you'll be happy to know the "2.0" is there for good reason. We have a true studio setup now, regular guests, and a weekly (most weeks) schedule.

We've already got 4 episodes ready to listen here: http://www.videodrone.cannibaltroll.com/

We'll have RSS/iTunes links soon.

 I really hope you enjoy the podcast. We're pretty loose with the topics, but if you're a media consuming dork like we are, I think you'll dig our discussions. If you have any thoughts on the 'cast or suggestions for improvements and future topics, post them here or hit me up through @JoeDonuts on Twitter.